Cobalt Carbon Potassium
by The Official Canadian Teabag
Summary: Lovino and Antonio are studying for chemistry. Lovino decides to make studytime more interesting. Part of the Talk Dirty to Me Collection.


The edges of the big, bulky textbook dug painfully into Lovino's knee, but he ignored them. It'd been a long day, but it was actually a rather good day, so he figured he wouldn't let some forty-pound textbook ruin his day.

It was exceptionally nice outside, and neither of them had a class until the afternoon, so they'd agreed to study outside on campus grounds. Other students were outside, perhaps ten other people, curled onto the grass, sunbathing, or finding shelter under the shade of a tree. A warm, southern breeze blew gently on their faces, the sun peeking through minuscule holes in the leaves of the tree they were nestled under, and the grass felt so undeniably soft under his fingers Lovino was almost sure the grass was not grass and was probably AstroTurf. Beside him, Antonio ran his fingers along the tiny printed words on the thin page the book was currently opened to, and Lovino's brain released a little squirt of dopamine from watching his boyfriend's lips move as he read the words in the book quietly to himself.

Yeah. It was a good day.

"Lovi, I don't understand this," Antonio said, index finger tapping on the page. "This makes no sense to me."

Lovino drew his gaze Antonio's lips back to the book. What were they studying, again? Oh, chemistry, that's right. Not his favourite subject, but he'd taken AP Chemistry during high school, so fortunately for him this was all review.

"Lovi?"

"Sorry, what did you say?"

 _Sigh._ "You're not even paying attention."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lovino said sincerely. "I just got distracted for a second. Now, what don't you understand?"

Antonio pointed again to the page. "This here. The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle."

Ah, Heisenberg. Easy. Grade nine kid stuff.

Lovino readjusted his position so the book's edges weren't jabbing him as much anymore and tilted his head back against the tree. "Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle...if you got an electron or something and you want to find its position in an atom or whatever, then you can find it, go ahead. But if you want to find its momentum _and_ its position—" He shook his head. "You can't do it."

Antonio frowned. "Why not?"

"I dunno."

"Lovi."

"Well, all I can tell you is that the more accurately you find its position, the less accurately you can find its momentum, and vice versa. I think it's because the electron is always moving and it always has a different momentum so you can't pinpoint both really accurately. You get what I'm saying?"

Understanding flooded Antonio's eyes and he nodded. "Oh, yes, okay, okay, I get you." He flipped a page or two and pointed to another topic. "How about Schrödinger's cat?"

Less easy material now. The dude never said a thing that wasn't completely vexing. No wonder Antonio was having trouble grasping this idea. "You gotta cat, and you put it in a box, and you put a bottle of poison in there, and then you put something radioactive in there, and if the radioactive shit decays, then the poison will be let out and it kills the cat. Or it doesn't kill the cat." Lovino reached out and tapped the tip of Antonio's nose. "Or both."

Antonio blinked at him, and a crease formed between his eyebrows as he frowned again. "You see, that's what I don't get. How can you say the cat is _simultaneously_ alive and dead? That is not possible, is it?"

"No, it's not," Lovino said. "But I'm sure in first-year university chemistry you don't need to know Schrödinger's justifications. They just want you to know what the thought experiment is all about. Okay?"

His boyfriend looked a little skeptical but he nodded nonetheless. "Okay. Um...what about..." Antonio shuffled through more pages. "Ah, sorry if I'm asking you too many things. It's just a little hard for me to understand what I'm reading sometimes."

"It's fine."

"I mean, I just wish I were as smart as you, you know?" Antonio's tongue darted out to quickly wet his lips. "You were in all the advanced classes in high school, after all..."

Lovino rolled his eyes. "You're plenty smart. You don't need to be in advanced courses to be considered smart." Suddenly Lovino got an idea. He stole a glance at Antonio and felt a little smirk lift his lips. "Are you a non-volatile particle? Because you're raising my boiling point."

Antonio glanced up from his book to meet Lovino's eyes, eyebrows furrowing. "What? Non-volatile..." He seemed to let that sink in for a moment. Then, to Lovino's delight, he laughed. "Oh, Lovi, you're funny."

"See? You understood that one, didn't you? Not many people would have." Lovino inched closer to Antonio. "There are two hundred and six bones in the human body. Did you know that?"

"I did know that, yes."

"I like all the bones in your body, Toni. Especially mine."

Antonio flicked his gaze back to Lovino, eyes widened slightly, but he was blushing and smiling. "Lo _vi_ no!" He emphasized the second syllable. "So inappropriate."

Lovino grinned. "You know, Toni, if I were a neurotransmitter, I'd be dopamine so I could activate your reward pathway."

His boyfriend lifted his eyebrows and grinned back. "Really?"

"Really." Lovino knew that look on Antonio's face. Antonio was enjoying this. He decided to turn things up a notch. "Everyone knows it's not the size of vector that matters..." He casually slipped an arm around the small of his boyfriend's back. "But the way the force is delivered," Lovino whispered.

Antonio laughed out loud and pressed himself against the arm settled around him. "Mm-hmm, sure."

"You must be made up of chains of disaccharides. Want to know why I say that?"

"I do want to know why you say that," Antonio said.

Lovino looked at Antonio's smiling lips and felt the urge to kiss them. He moved his hand so it was loosely holding Antonio's hip, fingers brushing his upper thigh. "Because you have one sweet body."

Antonio giggled. "My, oh, my, Lovi, your words make me feel hotter than a Bunsen burner."

"Speaking of Bunsen burners, if you have a lit match and blow it out so all you're left with is a glowing ember, and then you stick it in a test tube full of oxygen, it will reignite. However, if you put the match in a test tube of carbon dioxide, it will essentially kill the flame. Makes me think—carbon dioxide? More like let me _C_ your two _O's."_

Antonio laughed again, harder and louder this time. Lovino loved making him laugh. "You're such a pervert, Lovino. A big, nerdy pervert."

"I'm the pervert? You're the one who's understanding all my jokes," Lovino teased. The hand on Antonio's hip tightened for a second, and—he couldn't help it. He leaned in and kissed Antonio, right on the lips. He'd never been one for displays of affection—especially in public, good Lord—but he just had to.

Antonio sighed and sank into the kiss, his hand covering Lovino's hand as they kissed, slow and warm. They kissed, and Lovino was itching to slip his tongue into Antonio's mouth and draw out a moan or two—but, ah, fuck, they were still in public. No matter. They were (sort of) hidden from the other students anyways. How bad could it be? Lovino traced the outline of Antonio's lips with the tip of his tongue, and Antonio drew in a sharp intake of oxygen. He waited a second before he parted his lips slightly, letting Lovino in, opening himself to his lover, and Lovino's tongue slowly made its damp, delicious journey into Antonio's mouth—

"Oh, _yuck."_

The both of them jumped apart at the same time, their faces hot. Embarrassed, they turned to whoever just caught them in the act, and—sighed in relief upon seeing it was just Gilbert who approached.

Gilbert had his famous expression of pure disgust on his face, but Lovino knew for a fact he wasn't really disgusted. "Quit making out, for fuck's sake. Nobody wanted to see that shit in high school, nobody wants to see it in uni."

"Fuck yourself," Lovino said sweetly. "And get out of the sun—your pasty, fragile, white ass is going to burn."

Gilbert made a rude gesture at Lovino before turning to Antonio. "Toni. The guys are playing football. You're playing, too."

"Oh, sounds like fun," Antonio said cheerfully. "Alrighty, no problem, I'll be there in a jiffy."

" _Now_."

"Now?"

"Yes, now. Say goodbye to your boyfriend and get your ass up. I promise you'll be back in time for him to tongue-fuck you." Gilbert rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, heading the way he came.

Antonio turned to Lovino with a sheepish grin. "Ah...I better go. Don't want to miss the game. I'll see you in an hour or so, yes?" He closed his textbook, shoved it in his bag, and started to get up.

"Hey." Lovino gently took his arm.

Antonio looked down at him. "Yes?"

Lovino smirked up at him. "Heisenberg was wrong, you know."

Confusion flickered in Antonio's green eyes, and so Lovino continued. He lowered his voice and attempted his most sensual tone. "I'm _certain_ about what I'm doing tonight," he said huskily.

He watched Antonio's cheeks tint redder. He watched Antonio's Adam's apple rise and fall as he gulped. Then Antonio flashed him a sweet, shy smile. "I'm certain about that, too," he whispered. With a wink, he turned and walked away.

* * *

A/N: I've decided this is going to be an annual thing. Just try and stop me. Mark it down on your calendars, folks. May 24/25 is Spamano Geeky Pickup Line Oneshot Fanfic...Day. (Wish I gave that a more creative title. c'':)

Hope you enjoyed!

Stay classy.


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